Last Updated:
October 9th, 2024
Living with someone who is struggling with alcohol addiction can feel like walking through a minefield. They may become withdrawn, defensive and even aggressive as addiction begins to take over. One of the worst things about addiction is that it causes huge harm to loved ones. Watching firsthand the damage being done and having to cope with the unpredictability of their behaviour can take a huge physical, emotional and mental toll. While supporting your loved one in their battle against alcohol can make a massive difference, you mustn’t let it affect your own well-being.
This page offers practical advice to help you navigate the complex challenges of living with an alcoholic. This will help you provide much-needed support while also looking after yourself.
The challenges of living with an alcoholic
Living with someone who struggles with alcohol addiction is no easy ride. One moment they may seem fine and the next, alcohol addiction can send them into a rage and create a terrible atmosphere at home. It can feel like living with two different people – one who you recognise and one who can be incredibly difficult to be around.
Alcohol addiction can create an enormous emotional gulf. You may find it increasingly hard to have a meaningful conversation, discuss important things like children or finances or just connect with them at all.
Beyond the emotional challenges, living with an alcoholic can also bring a greatly increased risk of domestic violence and abuse. Alcohol can amplify aggressive behaviour, and arguments or conflicts may escalate more quickly when someone is intoxicated. This can make your own home feel unsafe, especially if there are physical threats or emotional manipulation.
All of this can leave you feeling like you are in a prison that you can’t escape. You may be feeling scared, resentful or even guilty about your loved one’s drinking, and this can slowly grind down your self-esteem and sense of worth. It is so important that you understand that none of this is your fault and that while you cannot control their drinking, there are steps you can take to help them and protect yourself.
How to help someone you live with quit alcohol
Encouraging a loved one to quit drinking is no easy task. Like any addiction, the decision to stop must ultimately come from the person struggling with alcohol use disorder. However, you can still be a guiding light, gently nudging them toward change. It all starts with creating an environment where they feel supported, not judged and opening up conversations about the possibility of seeking help.
Long-term recovery begins with a single step – the moment when someone realises they’ve lost control and are ready to make a change. If your loved one seems unsure about where to start, help them research safe ways to quit drinking. You can explore different treatment options together, read Recovery Lighthouse’s website or even make an appointment with their GP.
In some cases, you may need to stage an intervention. This is when close friends and family come together to express their concerns in a structured and supportive way. An intervention should never feel like an ambush or attack but should be a safe space where your loved one hears how their drinking has impacted those around them.
It is important to plan the intervention carefully, ensuring it remains calm and focused on their well-being. You may even want to involve a professional interventionist or therapist to help guide the conversation and provide expert advice. For tips on how to stage an intervention, contact Recovery Lighthouse, and we will talk you through the process.
How to live with an alcoholic before treatment
If your loved one is reluctant to get help or they are waiting to begin rehab, it is important to create a home environment that supports their recovery. Here are some practical tips to help you take care of yourself while living in such a challenging environment:
Set boundaries
It can be easy to lose sight of your own needs when someone in your home is struggling with alcohol addiction. But protecting your well-being – and that of any children in the home – has to come first. Living with an alcoholic can mean dealing with mood swings, impulsiveness and emotional outbursts and without clear boundaries, their problems can start to take over your life.
It’s crucial to define what’s acceptable in your shared space. While each situation is unique, here are a few boundary examples to consider:
- No alcohol in the house.
- No abusive language or insults.
- No visits from drinking buddies or toxic influences.
By setting clear limits, you can protect your personal space and help create an environment where addiction doesn’t control everything.
Look after yourself
Self-care often takes a back seat when you are living with an alcoholic, but prioritising your own well-being will help you maintain balance in a chaotic situation. This means carving out time to do things that make you happy, spending time with supportive family and friends or even stepping away temporarily when things become overwhelming. Sometimes, taking a break can be a wake-up call for your loved one, showing them that their drinking is driving a wedge between you.
Get professional support
You don’t have to carry this burden alone. There are communities of people who understand exactly what you’re going through. Support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous offer a safe space where you can share your experiences, gain insights from others who have been in your shoes and feel less isolated. You can also participate in therapy or counselling sessions to help you work through difficult feelings and experiences.
How to prevent yourself from enabling an alcoholic
It can be a hard thing to accept, but many of us unknowingly enable our loved ones in their alcohol addiction. Sometimes, out of love or fear, we hold on too tightly or make excuses or allowances for them that end up worsening the situation.
This can be a difficult habit to break, especially if your loved one has become skilled at manipulating the situation. They might convince you that they’ve got it under control, but deep down, you know that’s not the case. If you’re unsure whether you have been enabling their drinking, ask yourself these questions:
- Have I given them money, knowing it might go toward alcohol?
- Have I overlooked certain behaviours because I don’t want to face the problem?
- Am I pretending the addiction isn’t there because it feels too hard to confront?
- Have I taken on their responsibilities because they can’t manage them?
- Have I lied to their friends, family or colleagues to cover for their behaviour?
- Do I sometimes drink with them to attempt to limit or control their drinking?
We know that these behaviours come from the right place, but if your loved one is going to make meaningful changes, it is essential that they face the natural consequences of their actions. By shielding them from the impact of their drinking, you unintentionally create a safety net that allows the addiction to continue unchecked.
Get help today
If you’re feeling lost about how to restore peace and balance to your home, you’re not alone. Every situation is different, but Recovery Lighthouse offers extensive resources to guide you through the next steps. Whether you are living with an alcoholic spouse, parent or child, we know how tough it can be and are here to help in any way we can.
From advice on staging an intervention to comprehensive alcohol addiction treatment programmes, Recovery Lighthouse can provide everything you and your loved one need. Remember that your support can be the most powerful weapon in the battle against alcohol addiction. With you by their side, your loved one can put alcohol addiction behind them and begin a new sober life.